saturday night

One thing I wish was cool to do on a Saturday night is watch SNL, but I don't think people understand how small the comedic value is on that show. I'm going to write more stand-up and make more videos soon something I'm much more comfortable doing when I have a job!! But no really I'm 100% confident I could make better videos and write better jokes for SNL. I don't even think that's something I'd want to do though because they wouldn't think I was funny if they think they're funny right? It's a shame because Bill Hader is incredible, Kristen Wiig, and Andy is cool too. Also Conan and other Andy have nothing going on right now. My videos would be a lot funnier with all those kiddies. My friend Ben and I created a bunch of new jokes for my act and I feel I already wrote so many. I want my new act to be gold with no lulls. Then everyone will think I'm hilarious when I just have 10 minutes of good material. I'll have to show up 50 minutes late if someone wanted me to do an hour set.

I do intend to write more jokes and think of new ideas for videos, but honestly looking for jobs sucks and I'm interning a couple days a week in Boston. Kyle told me you should have so much material you're not doing anything right now. Yeah I'm not doing anything...I'm not worrying about the 600+ bones I gotta shed out soon to my loans a month...I can just sit around and write jokes all day. "Yeah but Erik you can make like $200 a week at the grocery store". That's not a real quote but if it was... I'd say F You!! You think I'll be satisfied with taking home $200 a month??!?! You crazy son!

Alright jokes are coming soon to www.erikduda.com stay posted followers! Maybe I'll put a blog on that site when it's built and upload a bunch of cool vids!

Sincerely,

Erik

p.s. You know why I just wrote sincerely? Because I've been writing cover letters every day since october! And I can't stop!! Alright sucka?!?

note **make sure you read this with a lot of enthusiasm

everybody's boring

I was thinking I should write a blog because I haven't in a while. Actually that's not the reason. Nick has been telling me that I should for a while. I decided in this blog I will not erase or hit the backspace button on any of it and just write what comes to mind first. I want to go to bed so this might not be very long. So far so good without a typeo. very ironic that my first typo was on the word typo, completely unintentional. hmm. I hear people say a lot that their life is boring and they need a change. Actually I don't hear anyone say that to me personally but I think people do think that or it has at least become a cliche. I think everyone makes their life out to be so much worse than everyone else's when really it isn't. I mean is there one person out there that doens't think that? And they know their life is exciting and meaningful and worthwhile and they live their life with no regrets. I think no regrets is the key part to that sentence. I mean all I did physically today was look for work, get my haircut, and watch 6 or so episodes of Lost in attempt to get ready for the final season on tuesday. That doens't sound too riveting but I also talked to Michelle for a while maybe an hour and forty-five minutes ish. She loves me a lot and really helps me out with things. It's hard for me to admit that someone is smarter than me, which is weird because I'm sure a lot of people are. I always just thought I knew everything about life and the real world and morals and all those sorts of things well I was always more confident that I knew more about that stuff then everyone else and I still do sort of feel that way. Michelle just makes me understand a lot of things I wasn't aware of or something that I did. And if someone is able to convince you to believe what they are saying then they are smarter than you. She helps me analyze why something bothers me, which I've learned is so much better than just ignoring it or saying something nice to make me think about it. Because saying something nice would work as well, but I'm glad she goes the critical route in the end. I think this is why I'm so happy with my life because of her. And building a strong relationship is a lot more complicated than I thought and I'm more glad than ever that it's with Michelle. It's perfect the way we mesh and benefit each other's lives. I feel it grows so much more every time we talk and it makes me want to be with her forever. I understand that this may sound cliche and gushy to every man reading this, but I honestly feel that it's true even if it sounds like a fairy-tale. I'm working on making things sound different and expressing what I'm really thinking and the only way to do that is by writing and talking about it. There are certain ways that I thought between the years of 17 and 20 that made me think nothing will change my mind about this or I can't get any smarter than I am now mainly because I was watching a lot of Seinfeld. But when I actually see myself becoming a better person because of Michelle or better with myself on the inside. I don't even know what to say about that, but it's awesome. But yes I was talking about people's lives in general and how they think everyone else in the world is jumping out of buildings to save people and diagnosing illnesses and everything else. I'm not saying there aren't people that are doing that, but I'm sure they have problems of their own or maybe they hate having to be the hero maybe they want your life. I'm being very vague on what my point is, but I never really had a point I was just going to write what I was thinking and here I am. Trying to think of something wise to say. I would say don't glorify other people's lives to make you feel worse about yours if anything be glad that you're in america and not a starving country and don't waste your life stressing and sulking because you're only on earth for a fraction of a second. Time is flying by lately for me. No really time feels like it's flying.

twitter

I don't understand where people sum up this hatred for Twitter from. It's just another social networking site, but you get to check out what cool celebrities are doing. Also, it's a good way to get the updates on movie and television show knowledge. Aziz Ansari confirmed a second season of Eastbound and Down. He's not going to lie like stupid imdb and "movie buff" blogs that claim to be in the business. I like looking forward to those types of things. I want to know the updates and when they're shooting Seth and Jay Vs. The Apocalypse, so i could possibly work on that film with the genius Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel. 

I don't see that big of a difference comparing it to facebook and Myspace. It's just the status updates and 3rd person wall posts. I rarely put status updates on facebook and find it annoying when people update every hour. But that's what Twitter is, updating every hour. Yes i find it stupid when people post everyday activity that no one would ever care about. But if you're cool, you post witty/hilarious updates for other people's enjoyment. I will never care about someone's trip to McDonald's for dinner, nor should people be telling others about that.

There's a lot less pressure to put updates on Twitter as well, because how accepted it is to post ten a day in the Twitter community. If people are posting ten updates on facebook a day that's just annoying. I know what Twitter is and it's purpose going in, so I'm not going to complain when reading about how one of my friends is taking a shower. I'm just going to post some sweet one-liners. It's just another website to add to the long list of must-visit websites in my morning routine.

It's equally as annoying when people complain about changing the facebook layout. If it offends you that much emotionally, I'm not sure I want to be friends with you anymore.

So let's stop complaining about these social networking websites publicly. I'm not sure if complaining about the complainers qualifies as complaining about the social networking sites. Either way, either way.

Oh, and viewing this page often makes me laugh loudly. http://twitter.com/KFUCKINGP

would i want to live forever?

answer: yes

Obviously I would have to have good health throughout my eternal life. I mean it's already a question that can never be considered a question because it's a fantasy. Nevertheless I will explain why I would want to live forever.

I mean, why not? I would probably become a very smart person in a couple hundred years. I will be able to witness every incredible thing to come in history, and see if they ever do make a flying car like they promised me in Back To The Future. I don't think I'd really want a flying car though. I'd prefer a safe jet pack i think. I will also be able to watch Seth Rogen's grandson's grandson's movies. That alone is a solid reason. It will also satisfy more of my disbeliefs on religion. I mean how come there hasn't been any new gods or new incredible stories? I haven't heard about anyone parting the Red Sea since Moses. That'd be quite a scene to see on the news.

I do not believe in the Afterlife, so what's my hurry to die? I've got nothing to look forward to. If I'm afraid of death at nineteen, I'm sure it will only get worse in the future. I could see myself becoming like Billy Crystal in "When Harry Met Sally" and read the last page of every book when I start it. Or I could become more comfortable with death, if I've failed at everything I've aspired to become. Either way it's no fun to think of death, unless you're blogging about how awesome it would be to live forever.

Something I also find bizarre is many religious people do believe in an Afterlife but would not want to live forever. So does that mean that they live forever in some other world or something, up in the clouds? What's the difference? Buddhist's believe you come back as a different creature. So do I have the mind from my human body? I'm honestly asking this because I have not researched the Buddhist faith. Nevertheless, I wouldn't want it either way. If I come back as a cockroach without my mind, I will not be aware everyone's trying to kill me. With my mind I will be aware everyone's trying to kill me. Another lose-lose situation. I appreciate what I have and am content with living forever is this world. This world is awesome.

On the negative side, I'm aware of how awful it would be to outlive my love and family. But since this is a fantasy, my wife could live forever as well. I also will be able to hang out with all the future Duda's to come. That'd be cool. 

I find it odd when people say they don't want to live forever. They must not be too enthused about the life they are living right now. 

It's weird to ask questions to no one as you write. Don't you agree?

something to do during class

(I got 16 wrong)

1) Kramer is smoking cuban cigars which burns down the '47 cabin

2) Kramer is sitting on sausages in which him and Newman learn to make.

3) Entenmannn's cake Elaine

4) The cubans rolled the pita's too tight

5) Aid's walk ribbon that Kramer doesn't want to wear

6) Squirrel (They had to mail away for tiny instruments)

7) Poppy's pee stain couch

8) Peach schnapps (the key to unlocking Elaine's vault)

9) George fished up a rye bread that Jerry stole from and old lady

10) Toilet paper (a square to spare) George's recurring obsession with the history of toilet paper

11) The big salad Elaine orders the big salad (One of the writers Carol Leifer took credit for a big salad in real life, which was actually purchased by Larry David)

12) Apple pie whom Jerry's girlfriend wouldn't try

13) Eight ball jacket (all signs point to yes)

14) The Maestro (Bob Cobb) played with Frank/Kramer in "the place to be"

15) Top of the Muffin to You! muffin stumps

16) High score held by GLC on the frogger machine

17) Elaine's dying fish

18) George sells bras, possibly Sue Ellen Mishky's

19) The Kramer painting

20) Jerry's Superman action figure

21) Elaine manikin look alike

22) The pez dispenser

23) Jerry's computer/possibly one George and Lloyd Braun sell

24) Juji fruits break up Elaine and Jake Jarmel

25) Jerry takes a pen from Jake Klompus

26) Elaine's shoes that are given to Gail Cunningham

27) Kramer's titlist golfball

28) Jimmy's training shoes

29) Little Jerry Seinfeld

30) Golden Boy

31) Wedding invitations that killed Susan Biddel Ross

32) Kramer's bagel's from H&H 

33) Estelle Costanza

34) The low-talker's puffy shirt

35) The urban sombrero

36) Elaine and Susan use the today sponge

37) Junior Mints that was dropped next to vital organs in Roy

38) Cosmo Kramer the ass man

39) George's hat from the Alex Theater

40) The cigar store indian, Jerry attempts to smooth things over with an Indian giver

41) Fusilli Jerry

42) Crazy Joe Divola dresses up as a clown

43) Kramer's meat slicer

44) George's cane which results in #45

45) George's scooter

46) David Puddy's jesus fish

47) George's hands at the end of his hand modeling career

48) Non-fat yogurt

49) The beltless trench coat

50) The Soup Nazi's soup

51) Empty bottles Kramer and Newman attempt to profit from

52) The pencil with the marks of Jon Voight

53) The eclair George eats out of the garbage

54) Black and white cookies "look to the cookie, elaine"

55) Shrimp george eats so he can talk about the jerk store

56) Kramer's fold out coffee table book about coffee tables

57) George's russian hat

58) Elaine's electronic organizer or Morty Seinfeld's Wizard

59) Chocolate or cinamon babka

60) A donation to the human fund

61) The label maker

62) Chinese food from the chinese restaurant

63) Socks waiting to go in the wash also known as the night club for them

64) A lobster that shrinks in the water

65) The bubble boy's arms

66) Ventriloquist doll

67) George's favorite bosco

68) Chicken salad on rye untoasted (George's opposite meal)

69) George Steinbrenner's calzone

70) Elaine's shoe is stuck in the slicer

71) Jerry Seinfeld

72) George Costanza

73) Cosmo Kramer

74) Elaine Benes

75) The sweater with the red dot

76) The magic loogie

77) The macadamien peach

78) Himalayan walking shoes

79) Tuna on toast sandwich

80) Videos possibly Home Alone, Rochelle, Rochelle, Breakfast at Tiffany's, and a pornography

81) Tropic of Cancer

82) Pudding slice singles

83) Twix candy bars from a candy line-up

84) A softball from Jerry and George's game

85) The bro or manzier on the indian

86) A bag of oranges from Joe's 

87) George's large wallet

88) Man hands

89) Folded Baby Blue under the squirrel

90) George's gloves to protect his hands for his hand modeling career

91) A tic-tac so the sidler can be heard

92) Butter (Kramer and George's shaving cream)

93) Slice of Devil's cake

94) Thing Jerry is holding

95) Doughnuts from Dinky Donuts maybe Joe Dimaggio's

96) Equal packets on sausages, "he's sucking down equal packets", also george put in his wallet

97) Jerry's sneakers, "in case there's any trouble, zip, i'm gone"

98) George's glasses that he loses

99) Macaroni Midler

Produce 101

I will share with you my knowledge on produce and some simple tips to help you not annoy produce employees.

I've been working in the produce department since i was 16 years old. It was a cool high school job, certainly easy, and it was nice to have a lot of money all the time because i didn't have bills to pay. Also those 2 years of experience in Connecticut got me the same job in Florida where i've been working for the past year, also they pay me four more dollars an hour, which is very convenvient for that hefty monthly rent bill I have. However, besides a job to get me through school, thinking about working at a grocery store as a career, bores me incredibly. Although you can make 120,000 a year as a store mananger, you can make a decent amount of money doing a lot of crappy jobs.

The best part is being able to eat all the fruit. Fruit is great. I like a lot of fruits and a lot of vegtables (minus peas and probably others that don't come to mind right this second)

Best apples...

1) Pink Lady Apples (Cripps Pink)- Although they're often much more expensive, you'll thank yourself for buying them in the end. They're sweet, juicy, but only have a 200 day growth period, so you can't find these juicy nuggets (poor adjective, yet comical) year round.

2) Gala- You can find this year round, and it's often on the cheaper side. 

3) Fuji- You can find this year round as well. I'm already out of things to say about apples, these three are the best to get. Fact.

Note* These are all sweet apples, if you prefer tart mealy apples, then stick to your granny smith's and red delicious apples.

Something you should know...

2 FOR $5 = 1 FOR $2.50! So, yes you can get one of one kind and one of another and they will be $5, or you could just get the one and still get the deal!

Buy One Get One Free, often refered to as BOGO in the biz, means you have to buy one in order to get one free, I would think the offer title is clear enough. So NO it's NOT one for 50% off!

Green Onions = Scallions

If an on sale item is empty, that means there isn't anymore.

Final thoughts...

Bananas are very overrated taste wise, yet are the #1 seller in every and all grocery stores.

I can't wait to never work at a grocery store again after October 2nd, 2009.

There is probably a lot more i could talk about, after working in the produce department for 3 years...but i'm tired of seeing this blog draft in my posts.